woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
