One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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