these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
