And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
