She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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