I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just want nice things and good sex
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
