You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
