So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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