i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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