Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
