the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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