Apparently you make a good broom.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
