In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
