Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
