i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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