Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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