I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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