There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
