My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
