Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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