2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
