so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize