i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
