Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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