I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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