So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
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Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
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Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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