Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
