just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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