they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
