Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just high enough for therapy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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