This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
