Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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