I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
