So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
