JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
