So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
