Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
