Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
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why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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