I am spending my child support on dildos
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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