i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
