Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
