remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I touched a dick in church today
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
