I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
