Midget sex pt 2 tonight
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
