I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
