I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
