What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
