Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
