if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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