no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
