Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
