So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
