we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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