i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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