just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
