Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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