Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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