so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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