I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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