her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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