look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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