I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
