if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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