are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
