i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
