That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
