matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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