Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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