god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just found puke in my bra..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
