there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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