Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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