Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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